Maybe you’re in a bad place right now, worse than bad.
But this doesn’t mean you’re doomed or that you aren’t capable of finding joy again. You have power, even when the world feels overwhelming. You have worth, even if you’ve made mistakes.
If you’re struggling right now, use these strategies:
Coping Strategy # 1: One Day at a Time
When you’re in a depression cycle, you spend most days in your head either dreading the future or regretting the past.
What helps in these moments is to shrink your focus to a small period ahead of you. Instead of thinking years out, you can think one month. Or better yet, you can just focus on today.
A key principle of mindfulness is that the present moment is all there is, and it’s true. It is always right now. If you’re going to project forward, only go as far as what is useful. Only think about the next day, or the next hour, or the next minute.
If every day brings new struggles, then take it one day at a time. This phrase is often used in addiction recovery programs to encourage discipline and make sure that addicts don’t get overwhelmed by the prospect of long-term sobriety.
But it applies to anyone in a harmful state of mind, including depression.
So…
- Focus on getting through today only, and fulfilling any responsibilities or tasks you have to the best of your ability.
- Do not overwhelm yourself by trying to predict the future. Just do the best you can with where you are right now, in this moment.
Coping Strategy # 2: Remember What You’ve Been Through Before
Ultramarathon runner David Goggins shares a principle he calls the “cookie jar.”
His cookie jar is a collection of memories; ones in which he’s shown strength or overcome challenges in the past. When he’s struggling, he pulls those memories out of his cookie jar to remember what he’s made of.
This principle is expressed in Dialectical Behavior Therapy. In the ACCEPT model for building emotional resilience, the second “C” stands for “Comparisons.” Not with other people, but comparing your current situation with those you’ve dealt with in the past.
We often forget what we’re capable of when things get difficult again, especially when we’re encountering problems we’ve never dealt with before.
In remembering what you’ve already endured, you can see that you’ll get through this storm too, just like you have with all the others.
So…
- Remember what you’ve accomplished before so that you can trust yourself to make things better now.
Coping Strategy # 3: Just Go Through the Motions
Everything feels heavier in depression, so everything becomes more of a challenge.
Getting up; showing up to work; showing up to class; taking a shower; taking care of chores and loved ones; simple things you used to do without thought now feel like tremendous burdens.
If you have responsibilities, make it your only goal to just show up. Go through the motions, even if you aren’t feeling passionate about what you’re doing. You don’t have to smile.
Sometimes in depression, our thinking is that we have to be motivated to do something before we do it. But often, the opposite is true. Passion and enjoyment can reignite because we’re doing something, not because we wanted to do it to begin with.
When you accomplish something small, even if it’s just hanging your clothes or brushing your teeth, this can alleviate some of the pain you’re feeling.
If you can start knocking out small tasks, one after another, you can ride the winds of momentum to carry you to more positive feelings.
So…
- It’s tempting to succumb to depressed feelings and not do anything, but if you can immerse yourself in your responsibilities, even if it’s just going through the motions, you can carry your mind to better places.
Coping Strategy # 4: Come to Your Rescue
Even if there is not one single person in your life who can understand what you’re going through, you can.
You can talk to yourself like someone you deeply care for. Granted, this is difficult if you have an inner voice that is disparaging you.
But even a cruel inner voice might be trying to protect you from something, possibly…
- Failure.
- Future embarrassment.
- Not getting things done.
It may just be a maladaptive way of making sure you will be loved by others. Or it could be the voice of someone you knew as a child that is no longer valid or relevant.
Either way, you can address it. And you can listen to your pain instead of rejecting it, calling yourself weak for it, or trying to pretend it isn’t there.
So…
- Address your inner critic and see where it’s coming from. Listen to the pain you’re feeling and be compassionate with it instead of trying to shut it out.
Coping Strategy # 5: Summon the Courage to Talk About It
If you knew someone you loved was suffering in secret, wouldn’t you want them to tell you?
I bet you would. And the same rule applies to you.
If there is one person in your life who you can trust to tell your problems, whether that be a family member, friend, or therapist, then share the pain you’re feeling with them.
This is hard because you step into vulnerability in these moments. You reveal a side of your soul. You’re saying, “This is what I care about, this is how I feel every day, and this is how I think.”
To be seen and understood by someone else, even if it doesn’t immediately solve the problem, makes a massive difference.
After it’s over, you are no longer alone.
So…
- If you can muster the courage to talk about your pain, you can start feeling understood, then you can start making meaningful progress.
Depression Is a Call to Make Changes
If this phase needs to occur in your life now, then so be it.
Find the sources of your depression. You can endure. You can move forward. You can adapt to this crazy world.
And you aren’t alone. So take it slow. Take one breath at a time, one step at a time.
Remember…
- Just focus on today. Tomorrow will bring what it brings.
- You’ve been through pain before. This is another chance to rise above it.
- Go through the motions if you have to, but don’t stop showing up.
- Try to have your own back, and try to see your inner critic as a maladaptive, mean, bitter, friend. Or, a mark of a past you can leave behind and replace with a new way of being.
- Express how you’re feeling to someone who might understand, and even if they don’t, praise yourself for being brave enough to try.
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