Living with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition that affects your ability to regulate your emotion, and can be extremely overwhelming in managing your day to day life. It can feel like you’re riding waves of intense emotions, an uncertain sense of self, and a lot of challenges in relationships, but every person’s BPD experiences are different. Although BPD can make daily life feel overwhelming and unpredictable, the right support and tools can help you have a more balanced life and a healthier quality of life.
What is Borderline Personality Disorder?
BPD is a personality disorder marked by intense, fluctuating emotions, unstable relationships, and a fragile or shifting sense of self. People with BPD often struggle to regulate their feelings, may fear abandonment, and can swing between idealizing and devaluing others, which causes chaos in life and relationships. Emotional dysregulation can cause impulsive or risky behaviors like substance abuse, reckless driving, like binge eating, bulimia, self-harm, or suicidal thoughts or actions, which can disrupt work, family life, and overall well-being.
BPD & the Cycle of Self-Sabotage
People with BPD usually don’t intend to self-sabotage. These patterns often develop as coping mechanisms due to feeling overwhelmed by emotions, fearing abandonment, or past trauma. Common forms of self-sabotage include:
Pushing People Away
A fear of abandonment can cause some people with BPD to push people away to test their relationship, or even end them to protect themselves from possibly getting hurt. Ultimately they want to avoid being hurt before it happens even though these are unfounded thoughts.
All-Or-Nothing Thinking
Seeing people, situations, or oneself as either “all good” or “all bad” can lead to impulsive decisions like ending relationships, quitting jobs, or giving up on goals. This all-or-nothing thinking usually causes sudden, drastic actions.
Persistent Self-Blame & Shame
Persistent self-blame and shame are feelings for people living with BPD. Intense emotions and relationship challenges are often turned inward, leading individuals to believe they are fundamentally flawed or responsible whenever something goes wrong. This sense of shame can be triggered by perceived rejection, mistakes, or emotional responses that feel overwhelming that spiral into harsh self-criticism and rumination. Over time, these patterns can erode self-worth and make it difficult to trust one’s own feelings, instincts, or needs.
Not Asking For Help
Many individuals with BPD want support, but fear being judged, rejected, or seen as “too much,” often due to past experiences of invalidation or abandonment. While withdrawing or minimizing distress may feel protective in the moment, it often deepens emotional pain and isolation over time.
Struggle With Trusting Consistency
Struggling to trust consistency is a common experience for people with BPD. When life feels calm and reliable, this can feel unfamiliar or even unsafe, especially for those who have experienced unpredictable relationships in the past. When things finally feel steady, many people living with BPD find themselves questioning how long it will last and bracing for when things will fall apart. Constantly being on alert can show up as overanalyzing, testing relationships, or even pulling away despite wanting to be close and connect with people.
Seeking Constant Reassurance From Others
When self-doubt and fear of abandonment are high, people with BPD can feel like it’s necessary to frequently check-in with friends, partners, or loved ones to feel accepted, valued, or secure. This need for external affirmation often comes from a deep uncertainty about one’s own feelings, worth, or decisions. While seeking reassurance can provide temporary relief, it can also strain relationships and reinforce a cycle of anxiety.
Ways to Manage BPD
Recognizing that your brain processes emotions differently is important to manage them.
Build a Support System
BPD can make relationships really challenging, but connection is important for healing and recognizing that pre-conceived notions aren’t accurate. Building a supportive network of healthy people in your life will be about recognizing symptoms and having open communication.
Join a BPD Support Group
Connecting with others who truly understand your experiences helps to not feel isolated and creates a safe space to share insights, coping strategies, and support.
Practice Self-Care
Practicing self-care is really important for people with BPD because it helps regulate intense emotions, reduces stress, and builds a sense of stability. Because emotions can feel overwhelming, prioritizing self-care fosters overall well-being. Some ideas for self-care include:
- Prioritizing Sleep⎯Emotional regulation is really hard when you’re exhausted. Stick to a consistent sleep schedule to help your mind and body reset.
- Moving Your Body⎯Moving your body releases feel-good endorphins and helps relieve stress and tension.
- Mindfulness⎯Practicing mindfulness keeps you grounded in the present moment, so can learn how to recognize your emotions without immediately reacting.
Seek Professional Help
Finding a trusted therapist is important for anyone living with BPD so you’ll receive guidance, tools, and strategies you can use in your day-to-day life to manage symptoms, build healthier coping skills, and improve emotional regulation. Different types of therapy for BPD include:
- Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)⎯DBT focuses on teaching skills to manage painful emotions, improve relationships, and tolerate distress without acting impulsively.
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)⎯CBT helps identify and challenge negative thought patterns that fuel emotional distress.
Los Angeles BPD Therapist In-Person & Virtually
It’s important to see a therapist that specializes in personality disorders, and Clarity’s BPD therapists are here to support you both in-person and virtually. Personalized BPD therapy will help guide you through emotions you feel and how to regulate them for long-term well-being. Contact our Los Angeles or Beverly Hills office for more information or to schedule an appointment with one of our BPD therapists.
