Is failure really the scariest thing of all? Or is it success? Could it be that you are good enough, worthy enough, and skilled enough to be who you want to be?
If that’s the case, then how come when you’re about to reach your goals you shy away and stop yourself from getting there?
Let’s examine why this occurs and how you can prevent self-sabotage.
Reason # 1 for Self-Sabotage: An Identity Crisis
We’ve all heard of the imposter syndrome phenomenon.
It’s when you reach a new position in life, and you feel like you’ve cheated. You feel like you shouldn’t be standing among these other successful people. You think, “I can’t possibly be this person. I’ve never been this person.” Even those at the highest levels of their fields experience this to some extent.
This dissonance occurs when your personal growth starts to outpace your beliefs about yourself.
It is especially apparent if you struggle with emotions like shame or low self-esteem. These mindsets stem from inner beliefs you developed from experiences in your past. Your beliefs about who you are and what you’re capable of come into conflict with your new reality.
So then, the key to overcoming this identity crisis is to take a hard look at the truth.
The Strategy:
Examine the deepest beliefs you hold about yourself and test them against reality. Become aware of when your self-sabotaging thoughts arise and the situations that prompt them.
Is it when you receive praise? Is it when you achieve something? Is it when you feel the weight of other’s expectations?
Start by saying, “What am I believing right now?” and use your logical mind to break that belief down. Are you truly not ready for this? Are you more capable than you are giving your credit for? If you worked hard for something, honestly, isn’t it safe to say you deserve it?
The more often you do this, the more you can break free from the snare your old beliefs have on your mind.
Becoming conscious of your old beliefs and shining the light of awareness on them over and over again will help you to settle into your new level of self-growth and prevent self-sabotage.
And gradually, you can lean into appreciating your accomplishments instead of wanting to retreat from them.
Reason # 2 for Self-Sabotage: The Tall Poppy
The tallest poppy plants are the first ones to get cut. That’s the root of an Australian saying called “Tall Poppy Syndrome.”
This is the tendency for people to tear down those who stand out, and the fear of this phenomenon is the source of a lot of self-sabotage.
The Tall Poppy Syndrome sufferer puts a cap on their potential. They shy away from making even small positive changes because they do not want to be subject to rejection and ridicule. They choose the safety of not standing out over the danger of manifesting a dream.
The Strategy:
You beat Tall Poppy Syndrome by understanding a few things…
- People are going to say what they say, and you cannot control them. You’re betraying yourself by putting a lid on your potential, and if you let that be your reality, you’ll never be truly happy.
- Not everyone who sees another person succeeding feels threatened. Some people feel inspired by success and action. Think of your accomplishments as being a service to someone who would be inspired by what you’ve done. You help the world by letting yourself be happy.
- Your self-opinion must come first. Placing your self-worth in others’ hands is unsustainable and unhealthy. When you’re much older, you will wish you had been true to yourself and not let others dictate your life.
Reason # 3 for Self-Sabotage: You and the People You Love
When you accomplish something significant, your friends, parents, loved ones, and peer groups (all people who might be at different places in life) see a new you.
A fear that many who self-sabotage have is that they are abandoning the people in their lives by simply doing better or doing something that most of their social group does not do.
They imagine their actions will place them thousands of miles away from their family and friends, that their success will place an unbridgeable gap between them and those ones they love. In a sense, they feel they’ll never see them again.
The Strategy:
Feelings like these are just what fear tells you. Some important points…
- You don’t know how the people in your life will react to success until you succeed.
- The ones who really love you will want to see you flourish and find happiness in life.
- The ones who are upset at your success and growth are not the ones who have your best interest in mind. Your desire for positive change could be serving as a litmus test for your true allies in life.
- If you feel guilt at the thought of succeeding because of how it would make others feel, then all you are doing is feeding into their insecurities. You do them no service by limiting yourself and sparing them from having to examine their own lives.
Stopping Self Sabotage Means Honoring Your Desire to Live a Fulfilling Life
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.”
This is from a poem by author Marianne Williamson. She goes on to say, “Your playing small does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.”
Everyone has a right to be the best they can be. And most often, the only thing stopping you is you.
It’s…
- Your internal beliefs, which can be reexamined and changed with time, compassion, action, and awareness.
- Your fear of being hated for trying to stand out and make positive change. You need to prioritize your own needs first and realize that you cannot control what other people think or say.
- Your desire to not be separated from the people you love. The ones who love you want you to shine, and the ones who don’t should not be on your radar. The people who matter will still be with you even after you succeed.
Give yourself a chance to be that person. Honor who you are and what you deserve, and you’ll overcome self-sabotage.
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